Remember
by Kaluki
Summary: The war is almost over, and Harry takes some time to try and remember what and who he's fighting for. Songfic to 'Remember' by Josh Groban. Please R&R!


**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter and all characters belongs to JK Rowling. The song 'Remember' is by Josh Groban.

**Notes: **One of my darker pieces. Why is it these always come out as songfics? And here's the question - how long does it take you to work out who Harry's trying to remember? Hmm...

Enjoy!

And review! Please please please please... I will love you forever!

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Remember

_Remember, I will still be here_

Harry holds the mirror open on his lap, loosely running his fingers over the smooth surface, his unwavering gaze fixed on the darkening sky overhead.

_As long as you hold me, in your memory_

He's lost count of the number of times he's dreamed of that night, the beginning of the end when everything went wrong. The number didn't matter anymore – did it ever matter? He doesn't know. There was barely enough of him left to care.

Remember, when your dreams have ended

He can't even remember when he stopped dreaming about it, when his nights were filled instead with flashes of green, with the worn stones of the Gryffindor common spattered red with blood to match the hangings, with mutilated bodies gasping soundlessly on battlefields.

_Time can be transcended _

He'd sworn that he'd never forget. He'd _sworn_ – it was too important to forget. It marked the beginning of the end, the day when the world suddenly got worse with only a few flickers of hope to light his way.

_Just remember me_

Hope like Ginny – beautiful, vibrant Ginny. He should have known, shouldn't he? She was too alive to be confined to this world of darkness, of war. When he'd found her, finally found her in the ruins of Platform 93/4, he thinks everything, all the light he'd so carefully collected in his life, had died with her.

I am the one star that keeps burning, so brightly,

She was the end of him, the last crack in a weakened castle that brings it down. Like Hogwarts fell – the proud buildings replaced with burnt out, empty husks where you could lie on your back in the great hall and watch the stars come out.

_It is the last light, to fade into the rising sun_

Harry's eyes search out one particular star, one that should be easy to find. The sky's not dark enough yet – the last tendrils of day still curl over the horizon, lighting up the sky with a rosy glow of endings.

I'm with you

He's broken his oath; he's forgotten him. Not in the way that he can't remember who he was – he can remember who all of them were, the names of those who fought and fell blurring into a role call of numbers. He remembers that. He remembers the facts even, remembers what happened with painful clarity.

_Whenever you tell, my story_

But he's forgotten – he's forgotten what it felt like to be told he was loved, forgotten the joy in just being with him, forgotten the pain and despair when he died. He's forgotten _him,_ his soul, his existence.

_For I am all I've done_

All that was left was bitterness, anger at him for being so careless, for bringing so much darkness into his life by taking away his light. No one else's death had hurt him that much – not even Hermione, putting so much of herself into a spell to protect them it cost her her life, had done more than raise a flicker of the grief he'd once been able to feel. Once, before war had deadened his heart like it did his mind.

_Remember, I will still be here_

He remembers Luna's reassurances, her attempts to console him, with a fuzzy sense as if he were viewing someone else's memories through a boundary he couldn't begin to cross. Death is not something you can ignore, he tells her in his mind now. Not something you can wave away with euphemisms and kindly lies. Maybe if you could, she'd still be alive, maybe she'd have survived the battle at Hogwarts.

_As long as you hold me, in your memory_

The mirror in his hands is cracked, the image it reflects distorted and unclear. Like everything about him, it's a symbol – he was a symbol of hope, an escape, a link to a past when things were better. When he died it all died with him, and the mirror cracked, heralding seven years of nothing but fragments of a life that might have been. Seven years and more of nothing but endings, deaths, loss.

_Remember me_

Harry can barely cast a patronus anymore – anytime he finds a happy memory, it's overshadowed, his mind involuntary recalls their death, their pain, their suffering. Even his first memory, of his parents and happiness, the memory that saved him in his third year – it was a memory of a feeling, and Harry had to stop feeling years ago before it killed him. Maybe it already had killed him, killed Harry and left only the Boy Who Lived, a killing machine who cutting a swathe of doom through friends and foe alike. 

I am the one voice in the cold wind, that whispers

The stars are almost out now, the last warmth of day falling below the horizon. Harry hopes the clouds clear soon so he can see them. He remembers a time, long ago when he was here before, waiting for the stars in the ruins of his old school and Ron called him away. At the time he knew, like Ron did, that he shouldn't dwell on the past, that there was too much to live for in the present.

_And if you listen, you'll hear me call across the sky_

Well, Ron's gone now. Maybe he's up in the stars as well; Harry doesn't know. It hurts too much to think of Ron, Ron who was there for all of it. Ron who died to give Harry the final information he needed. Maybe somewhere he was looking down on Harry like Harry was gazing upwards. Would he still call him away to live in the present? Or would he understand now that Harry no longer wanted to live in the present?

As long as I still can reach out, and touch you

Harry remembers words from so long ago – it does not do to dwell on the past, and forget to live. Words from when he had a life to live, a life of his own. He doesn't have one anymore – sometimes Harry feels like his life fell into death at the beginning, fell behind the veil and was lost. He's been living for others for so long – to protect them, to fight with them, to avenge them. Now vengeance is all that drives him, vengeance and a lack of anything else to do.

_Then I will never die_

He could spend his whole life here, lying on his back and waiting for the stars to shine, waiting for the clouds to clear. Now that he's numb from the cold the blasted stone around him isn't so uncomfortable. Now that he's seen so much death he feels he's numb from that as well, he thinks he could live forever in this half alive state.

_Remember, I'll never leave you_

He made the memories leave him alone long ago, created such a barrier between him and them that now he finds it hard to remember, even when he wants to. But he has to remember now, one last time. When he leaves for the last time tomorrow as the dawn breaks, he wants to be able to remember. Just one time in his life, to remember everything.

_If you will only_

Everything is a lot to remember, but he doesn't mind. He remembers when Dumbledore died, the grief and anger he felt. He hasn't felt for a while, but he feels a stirring of feelings now, and smiles bitterly. He wants to remember, but he'd forgotten how much it hurts to do so.

_Remember me_

He cuts his thumb on a shard of glass from the mirror as he runs his fingers over it, tracing patterns through the grime. The blood is startlingly red against his pale skin, and it reminds him of so much blood throughout the years. What does another drop matter? He remembers that many people died without blood, just fell back glassy eyed and dead.

_Remember me..._

But there was one who didn't even have that, who just fell into death taking everything with him. The first one, the only one to die that way, to leave such an impact on Harry's life, what was left of it. He tries to turn his mind to times before that, when he was alive and there was still hope in his life, but all he can remember is the mirror in his hands, the despair he felt when he realized it wouldn't reach him.

_Remember, I will still be here_

The stars should be out by now. They should have been out long ago – it won't be long before morning comes, but the clouds won't clear. Harry considers waiting another night for them, but discards the idea as useless. He has to go tomorrow, he has no choice.

_As long as you hold me_

Harry's hands tighten convulsively around the mirror. He has no choice; tomorrow he will go. This is the last night he has to watch the stars, the dawn to come will be the last time the sky lightens for him. He wonders if he will follow them to where they are, of whether there's not enough of him left to carry on.

_In your memory_

He wonders if there will be anyone around to remember him like he remembers them tonight. There's barely anyone left anyway – he's the last one. Maybe it's better that way; he started this, it was because of him that they gave their lives. It's only right that he ends it, that he's the last one left from the old group. The only group.

Remember, when your dreams have ended

The sky is lightening now, a pale glow beginning in the east. Harry sighs. Not long now, not long until he has to go and leave this place. The first place he felt he was home, the last place he ever felt safe.

_Time can be transcended_

Harry wishes he could stop time here, while the clouds are just clearing, wishes that he could go on remembering forever. To the well organized mind, death is the next great adventure – the words echo around his mind from a time when he was innocent enough to fear death. Now he almost longs for it, longs for the peace and the rest and the time to remember.

_I live forever_

He reflects on what Ron learned, the last horcrux he stole from under a loose flagstone in Azkaban. A dagger, small but deadly, particularly when used against Voldemort. Harry smiled at the irony, that Voldemort had used horcruxes to make himself invincible and now could only be killed by one.

_Remember me  
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Harry has no illusions; he knows he will not survive to see another night, he knows that. But Voldemort will die before him, if it takes every last speck of magic he has.

_Remember me_

Harry realizes why he's doing this now – he's doing it for Ron, for Hermione, for Ginny and the Weaseleys, for Dumbledore, for Neville and Luna, for everyone he ever knew who put their faith in him, who knew he would succeed. He has no choice.

_Remember... _

He's doing it for himself as well, for pain and grief, for despair and sorrow, for love and hope. Harry remembers what it felt like now, he remembers the ones who cared for him and he remembers what it felt like to care. The mirror drops to the ground as he stands up; the clouds have finally cleared, but it's too light now to see the stars. Except one, the brightest star, the dog star. Harry remembers that one death that marked the beginning of the end, and he feels he could cast a thousand patronuses as he finally remembers…

_...me_

Sirius.

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